Next week I go back for x rays and to see the wonderful Mr F; a chance to discover how the healing is going. I am looking forward to it as it is some sort of confirmation about how I feel – it’s a bit like when you are pregnant and you go for a check up and hear the heartbeat. You hope and believe that everything is going well, you feel like everything is going well but it is only when you hear that heartbeat that you are sure everything is going well.
I definitely have good days and bad days, but I guess that is the same for everyone everyday.Some days I catch myself doing things I didn’t know I could do – on Saturday I put on my mascara with my right hand without realising it! Then the next day, I try to do the same thing and can’t. It’s two step forwards and one step backwards and I am convinced that the mobility of my arm is directly related to the weather. When it is cold and wet I am stiff and in pain. Luckily we are having a lovely June and the warm, balmy weather eases the pain in my shoulder.
Once again I am in a new routine, different from the housebound one which involved the double bill of Fraser but not the same as the ‘old’ routine, the one I had before March 29th. This routine involves working part time while I recover. What I have noticed is that I am putting limitations on myself all the time – I can’t wear that top because of my arm, I don’t want to go to that crowded place in case I get knocked, I won’t sit on the edge for fear of jarring, I can’t look at doing something new until I recover, and so on and so on.
As ever it was George who came up with the wise words – or rather reminded me what Mr F. said when we first saw him. What Mr F. said was ‘ If you are not careful everything will become about your shoulder, and it will take over your life’. It is easy to see how that could happen so I am determined not to talk of it every day, to notice what I can do, not what I can’t do and to ensure that I don’t become defined by this injury.