The outpatients appointment was depressing. I can’t explain how important these milestones are ~ you count the days to them. I am at home alone all day literally counting down to the next outpatients. Today I had an x ray, saw the Lovely Mr F and had physio.

The guy in x-ray told me that Mr F had asked him to help during the operation because he was unsure how it was going to go it was such a severe injury. As it happened he couldn’t help as his wife, in his words, ‘inconveniently gave birth’! I have very little movement in my shoulder and he told me it’s 12 months rehabilitation.

Four months until I can ride a bike or go swimming and at least six months before I can contemplate getting on a horse. The  Lovely Mr F. has signed me off sick completely for another month. He said that physically and psychologically I have no capacity to work yet as I was assaulted twice; once on the slopes and once by him. He said I will feel tired ratty emotional and he was exactly right. I cried in the hospital, I cried when I got home. I saw the physio and she very gently moved my arm for about 15 minutes to try and get some movement into it. It is very stiff and I have to return next week. Following the physio the pain got worse. I think the worst of it is that he said I have to have another operation later this year to remove the pins.

1 calendar month since the accident and three weeks post op. Here is the list ( not complete) of things I can’t do.

Wear a bra

Tie shoelaces

Wash under my left arm pit

Do my hair

Sleep through the night

Wash up

Peel potatoes

Cut anything

Slice bread

Wear eyeliner

Type

Write

Work

Drive

Hug my family

Change my earrings

I went for spiritual healing in desperation and prepared to try anything – I cried at the healing because I actually felt pain free for a few moments, first time since the accident. I am still taking maximum dose paracetemol but don’t think it is working.

I feel like my independence has completely gone this morning I had to ask George to get money out the cashpoint for me and buy me paracetamol. For someone who has been so fiercely independent as I have this is just desperate. I got up showered using the tights method, put on my make up, Lucy did the back of my hair for me before she went to school but ran out of time so I struggled to do the front. I stripped the children’s beds with one hand and then sort of reversed down the stairs dragging the washing basket down with one hand got one load of washing in – its exhausting.  And I feel completely isolated. When you can’t get out and you can’t work you realise how much you take these things for granted.